How does Nothing and Change go together so well?

So it's been
About 4 months
Since my last entry.

I guess,
In that time,
I just lost interest.

I do that a lot.
But what have I been doing
Instead?

Nothing, really.
But, I am
Getting a little better.

Not so angry, sad,
Just nothing.
I don't feel much.

I read, in Buddhism,
That they believe,
Life is full of suffering.

And any happiness
is fleeting.
I can relate.

It's funny how words
Develop double meanings.
When someone says something,

The other meaning
Is what first
Springs to mind.

"I cut my hand the other day."
Flinch.
Oh. Right.

"This book's character kills himself."
Flinch.
Oh. Right.

"I need to buy more knives."
Flinch.
Oh. Right.

"I got that scar when I was 5."
Flinch.
Oh. Right.

Some words,
Ring alarm bells.
I wonder,

Will I ever be able
To hear them again,
Without associating them

With what I do now?
It's a change of perception,
In a way.

There's been a lot
Of changes.
My arms, and legs, and hands

Have all been changed.
For good.
Darker skin marks what I've done.

My thoughts, my opinions,
My knowledge on various topics
Have all been changed.

And these are the kinds of changes
You can't undo,
Or change over so they're different.

Love from, Me.
xx