Gotta Do It Quick Before I Run Out Of Time.

And so,

I have

Another problem.

Started about

3 months

Ago.

Stopped for a bit -

Mum almost caught me -

But I can start again, now.

Secrets,

Lies,

Concealment.

I read up.

Improve my knowledge.

Searching and learning.

Tips,

Tricks,

Help.

But it all

Looks the same

After a while.

The first few pages,

After reading them,

Start into repetition.

Need to work more.

Try harder.

Try more.

Make.

It.

Work.

Because,

If it doesn't work,

I know what will happen:

I will.

Get.

Fat.

No.

No.

No. I can't.

I already hate me.

This might help.

I hope.

Taste bad,

Feel awful,

Smell wretched,

But make me thin,

Nonetheless.

If all goes to plan.

Must not

Let mum

Find out.

Or I will be send

Kicking and screaming,

Essentially -

Back

To the

Psychologist's.

I've already been there

Before

For my...

Other problem.

It is still

Not fixed.

And I hate it there.

I don't want to go back.

It's awful.

But now I have to leave.

Running out of time -

Must hurry.

Love from, Me.

xx

Inscriptions on Marble, joined Broken Glass and Stone.

June already?

Wow.

Just, wow.

The year has gone fast.

Weeks feel slow,

But months have sped.

It's windy outside.

Overcast.

Cold.

My feet are cold.

But I am always cold

These days.

Meant to be doing schoolwork.

Don't particularly

Feel like it.

Home alone:

Mum's at work,

My sister's at school.

It's lonely,

Home alone.

Quiet. Empty.

Heater's on,

But I'm not feeling it.

Forever cold.

Heart of stone?

Skin of marble?

Soul of broken glass.

Carvings in the marble:

"Help"

How long will it stay?

Until it is weathered away

By time. By healing.

By new inscriptions.

I want someone

To love me.

No one does.

It sucks,

Feeling forever unattractive,

Overlooked, rejected.

So what else,

Can I conclude,

Other than,

There must

Be something

Wrong with me.

Perhaps uni,

Next year,

A new start?

I hope so.

It's what I want.

It's what I need.

I thought the same,

At the start of high school.

But it didn't work.

A chance for a new me,

Cause nobody knew me,

But I didn't know how to change me.

I was 12.

I was a geek.

I had no friends.

Forever flitting groups,

Trying to belong.

Never really did.

Not until about

Late year 8.

Finally, friends.

But I don't like me now.

Who would,

If they were me?

Only someone

Stupid.

Very stupid.

I want this change.

Difference this time:

I know how to do it.

Love from, Me.

xx