My younger sister
Told me about a music video.
Fuckin' Perfect -
By P!nk.
She didn't like it.
She thought it was stupid.
Wasn't a good video.
Just didn't like it.
So tonight
I watched it.
I had to.
You see,
Something she said
Caught my attention.
"She cuts 'perfect'
Into her arm
In the bath."
"Cutting is glamourised
By the media."
I told her.
"When it's not something
To be glamourised."
"What does that mean?"
Does she know my...
Problem?
No.
"Means the media
Shows it as cool.
It's not."
I hope she got the message:
Don't do it.
Just don't.
So on watching
The video,
I realised:
That is my life.
"Skinny bitches."
"They don't get my hair."
S.I.
E.D.
Acronyms are me.
What I don't already do,
I aspire to be.
Not aspire. Out of desperation.
I am artsy.
I feel fat.
I cut.
I'm not bullied,
But people don't like me.
I fight with my family.
What my sister
Didn't realise
At the time,
Was when she watched
That video,
That time,
She watched
A video of
Her big sister.
She just
Didn't know
That girl was me.
Minus a couple
Of things,
For sure.
But mainly.
I have to wonder,
Though:
Will I make the change?
Will I turn out successful?
Will my life end up good?
The weird thing was,
To make the change,
She cut her hair.
I was going to do that.
I am going to do that.
My long hair.
The day before my birthday.
The day before my 18th.
Tell no one.
But I'd decided that
Before the video.
What to make of that?
Maybe,
Perhaps,
It really is me.
Love from,
Me. xx
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